I kind of forgot that it was a day for writing. I spent the weekend with my sister, with whom I am doing this blog challenge. I went to see her in the play she’s in, a “comedy about depression” called “Tigers Be Still.” It was really good, well written and well staged, and my sister’s performance was excellent (I laughed a lot and cried a few times). But as much as it was a beautiful and moving performance, I don’t really feel like talking, or writing, about it. It was a little too close to my soul, and there are a lot of other things on my mind.
But I’m not really sure if I really want to share the things on my mind. Some of them are a little too personal, or involve other people, and I don’t want to betray any confidences. I think I might just be speculative about some random things that come up as I’m writing.
It’s interesting how people can experience things so differently. I love baseball, but some people find it incredibly boring. I suppose it can feel slow, as opposed to soccer or football. But that’s what I like about it. It feels considered. I love watching the pitchers consider their throws. I love trying to call the pitch a second before the umpire. I love the 7th inning stretch, and jumping up to cheer a home run. There’s just something about going to a baseball game in the summer, sharing the experience with other fans, and I don’t do it often enough.
I’m not going to do NaNoWriMo this year. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and for me NaNoWriMo is about learning discipline and writing on a schedule. This blog challenge has really helped me do that, and things in life have been really stressful. I don’t really want the added stress of trying to write every day and not being happy about the outcome. I don’t really feel like I have a solid idea, even though usually I just start with a scrap of an idea anyway, and write by the seat of my pants. I have a story I want to write, but I would rather give it the time and attention it deserves, rather than just write whatever comes to mind every day and work to edit it later. I would like to be published someday, but with the exception of one story, I haven’t ever seriously gone back to something I’ve written for NaNoWriMo and spent the time to edit and polish it. And I really wasn’t pleased with the way my story turned out last year. It just didn’t come together the way I envisioned, so I’m just not really feeling it this year. I like the variety of things I come up with for this blog, I don’t want to spend time doing NaNoWriMo if I am not going to enjoy it.
I’ve been trying to go roller skating more often, to build my confidence. I’m pretty good at regular skating in a rink, but I’m still not great at stopping, and I’m working on my crossovers. I have done them regularly in the past, but for some reason now I get scared that I’ll trip over my own feet and fall. I have taken to wearing my knee pads and wrist guards even at the indoor rink. It really helps me feel more confident, because I know that if I do fall I have some protection. I should skate more outside while the weather is still nice. I think it’s supposed to be cold tomorrow though.
Sorry for the random thoughts tonight. It’s therapeutic to be able to just record your thoughts as they come, and not worry about how they fit together. It’s probably not as interesting for someone else to read, but I feel my life hasn’t been completely cohesive recently, so my thoughts are subsequently disjointed. There’s something about just letting the words flow, and not really thinking about them, that allows certain thoughts to come to the surface, things you hadn’t ever really spent much time considering. I usually do this on paper, in a random notebook that then I’ll misplace and forget about for a few months. I’ve been trying to reorganize and downsize a little bit, even though I own very little as it is. But it’s kind of fun to go through things and find scribblings or objects you had completely forgotten about. And then you have the challenge of deciding whether or not to keep them.
I guess I’ll leave you to it. I’ll write something more coherent next time, I promise.